(Ritual Confession)

where i lost

my house my job my mind my people

moon of suicide attempts and activated charcoal

christmas of 5150s and restraints

discharged from the Phoenix Ward

i stared at walls Lived on a couch Lined up pills Drank cheap wine

and hired a babysitter to be mom for my kids

the shower was much too long of a walk

i stayed put sleeping through the seasons

then ran away to Paris

happy to be a wretch

sucking my lovers cock in the alleyways of Place de Clichy

i stayed drunk until noon Hoped he go back to his wife

reckless i called him bad names flirted with his brother

bought shoes and perfume then lost them Lost me

my ability to navigate between dream and myth

day or night had vanished

mouthful of xanax to stifle the screams

later i  was found floating spinning on a leaf in a creek

delirious for many winters i consumed tulee fog and Nescafé

for breakfast lunch and dinner

i’m careful with my words and deeds now

and collect indigo, stars, lichen

see me beneath the madrone clamoring

animal drivel i whisper into the pines

where i make a strange ceremony

and am laria

am mycelium

 

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