Chapter 99- Directions to the night she got free

(or, the night she escaped her captors, the deer hunter and gunsmith)

Get your gear in order:

the whetting stones for the carbon steel knives

a  good lock for the door

Guinness and Valium

Camels hardbox unfiltered

your bulletproof vest made from

passiflora incarnata and blue ribbon

beer tabs from 1974

a shell casing rattle

your iron boots

the will to live

you must be fluent in the language of alcohol poisoning and black out drunk, a way to reach the unhinged realm    she’s gone again

Pack your truck for a solo trip

strap it down using a trucker’s hitch and a pocketful of hopefuls

head west and north, you will have to walk through the vineyards at night during harvest time

month of fire, season of excess, indulgence

évacuation and disorientation

lay on the ground  Right before dawn make your way down the ridge to wash your hair using dew 

you collect from the Lady’s Mantel, polish your crown, wear the red lipstick, let your eyeliner run

weep with both palms on the ground, weep some more  then get up, stuff your mouth using your two hands with late season Muscat grapes, wild boar sausages, vagrancy and damask rose petals
let it all run down your arms, let go of your mind

those with a weak suck at birth should not follow you here

tell them to not wait for you

       
don’t follow    don’t follow     don’t follow    don’t follow

        “        “        “        “

        “        “        “        goodbye

Leave town irresponsibly without a plan

pick up a  topo map along the way and 

follow the dragon veins along the east side of the Sierras

ride the backbone of California

where men are put in their place  Fall in love  Make a big plan Make promises  Fall out of love  Give it all away

seek solitude  Soak in the hot springs then be silent

and watch the sunset  Fall asleep singing 

an invisibility song complete with a flicker feather 

tied in your hair  Wake up in Joshua Tree and sit in the dirt

get down on your belly and collect tiny crystals 

from the anthills, just lay there

make a bundle with them, chaparral and a traveling song, then lineup  365 .45 caliber

hollow point bullets

count them and your blessings then carefully 

sew them into your inseam alongside Ativan

copal and peonia seeds 

lean against huge boulders bigger 

than all of your collective regrets  Leave them there

sip mezcal from a demitasse as you walk out 

and into the Mojave with Owl’s clover blossoms in your hair.